Eléanor

My name is Eleanor and tonight is the right time to tell you my story. I'm 25 years old, yes, I have lived 25 years of isolation. No, I was never really left alone, if that's what you wonder about. In my life I met a lot of people, I had friends, loved ones. But the loneliness was always there, waiting for me to lay inside her arms, like a little baby. You know, that's the worst feeling of them all, to feel isolated, even when you are surrounded by others. Hearing the voices of your own demons screaming inside your head, craving for your soul. Oh, my soul, yes, I don't have one. To tell the truth I've forgotten if I ever had one or if I was born like this, the souless, empty shell I am today. I'm not capable to feel love anymore. Even though some people were unfortunate enough to love me. In the end I knew that it would only bring them harm. Once I had loved or maybe that's what I thought. But it seems like centuries since that day. I have forgotten completely how it felt. Now I see love only as a curse. Everyone that loves is doomed to suffer forever and must learn to live together with the fear of losing the thing they love. I can assure you, this fear became my reality. I endured this loss, I felt its pain in every inch of my body. I tasted the blood of my own soul. Oh, yes, now I remember. That's when I lost my soul. When all of my feeling and all my compassion were drained out of this body. Of course no one was aware of the state I was in. I didn't want them to know nor to feel sorry about me. Everyone has his own cross to bear and I have to carry mine alone. It was none of their business. I was never in need of being saved nor I wanted to after all. All I had to do was to put on a mask everytime I was around them. People always tend to believe only in what their eyes can see. But now, that time has passed, the final act needs to be played. I'm Eleanor and that was my story. Now let the curtains fall...